Summer Outifts

Since I've been gone, I've developed my own style for one reason. Summer! I now call summer skirt season! I like wearing skirts that are slightly below the knee in tulip shapes. I like wearing clothes that create the illusion or enhance a figure by wearing tops that cinch, skirts that taper, and skirts that flare. I like solid crisp colors like red, blue, and purple. I don't have a picture of the tulip skirt I have or the tops that flatter me, but here are samples I found online that resemble them.

I like camisoles and halters. I have nice shoulders and a nice back. So I want to expose them. I have a gap between my legs that I like concealing. I also like figure flattering clothes. Plus mini skirts are just so skanky to me. I don't like skin tight clothes, either. I prefer clothes that flatter figures through strategically sewn flowing material than clinging material.

Rough Amethyst 100% Solid White Copper Pendant

Never have I ever come across a material object so symbolic and connected to how I feel, how I am. At first glance, I find this piece of jewelry to be gorgeous. But on a deeper level, I'm so much more connected to it. It's a rare and beautiful stone. It's also unpolished and unrefined. There's beauty in the flaws if you're open to it. It has this striking color and unique shape that makes it one of a kind. It stands out, yet it blends. If you were to throw this pendant into a box with other purple stones, it can camouflage. But it's still distinctly different. This pendant is trapped in two worlds, not quite belonging in either. It's pretty, but it's unpolished and unrefined. Yet it blends in enough to not fit in with the outsiders. There's a constant sense of vulnerability and desire to belong that exists, as well as a symbol of strength for its individuality. Story of my life.

I love how rough edged it is. It reminds me of who I am. When I'm able to be honest with myself and my insecurities and self-conscious nature is silent, I find myself attractive. There's beauty in me, but I certainly have my flaws. It's all in how you perceive beauty and what you focus on. Only people who appreciate such uniqueness is going to see me for who I am. I think I'm flawed beauty. Yet there's so much in me than I allow myself to realize. The imperfection that exists in me is what makes me so defined and original. I spend so much time focusing and dwelling on that that I forget why I don't work towards changing even when I can...because I don't want to. For better or worse, this is who I am. Yet I'm not as permanent and distinct as I'd like to believe I am. I can always become polished. But this is who I am now. This is what I am. Most importantly, this is what I want to be. It's more than a statement. It's symbolic and reflective of my identity and my life.

I'm so disappointed that I wasn't able to get this pendant. I think this will mark one of my biggest regrets in life. It sounds frivolous, but it's so much more significant and meaningful to me than others may realize. I really want this to be my signature object as a reminder of who I am, something to be proud of.

Checking In

My absence can easily be interpreted as though I've accepted defeat. While, admittedly, I have neglected this blog, trying to developing my own fashion sense hasn't gone forgotten. A lot of tops are made a lot lengthier now, which is very advantageous for me. I'm a tall person trapped in a short person. I have a long torso for my size, so everything wears too short on me. I'm so glad that fashion is inadvertently accommodating me right now. I better take advantage of it while I still can. I've been focusing more on cosmetics more than anything, experimenting with the right lipstick and lipgloss shade. It really does make me feel better to make it a priority. It makes me feel better about myself. On one end, that's a good thing. But I'm also disappointed that it takes something frivolous and superficial to make me feel validated. That's something I have to work on.

There have been a lot of things I've had to work on. For example, finding a job to gain financial security is the major concern in my life. I have two interviews at employment agencies set up. I realized that I don't own anything that's interview appropriate, a closet full of clothes and not a thing to wear. I know every girl seems to say this, but for me it's really true. I have clothes that's appropriate for windy San Francisco weather, knitted sweaters, cardigans, etc. and halters and other slinky tops that work for a sunny day but not for a professional interview. Professional interview tops are too hot for what feels like a heat wave. As for footwear, I only own a pair of black sneakers and flip flops at the moment. I'm very minimalist right now. I don't even own a pair of black slacks. And I don't mean I have ten pants and not one of them work. I mean I don't own a pair of black pants of any kind.

The worst part is that I'm an impossible size to shop for. Okay, so I'm exaggerating a little. I'm thin enough to fit a size zero, but a one or three is too tight at the same store! I bought a pair of khaki slacks in 00 petite, but a zero was too tight. What is that? Being a size 5 in shoes is no picnic, either. Most stores no longer even carry my size anymore. I had to settle on getting size 6 and jam packing it with foot protectors. I was left with the right pants, but the wrong shoes. I already own the right skirts but all the wrong shoes. It's made me realize that this goal is going to require my discipline and effort than I imagined, but I'm looking forward to the change.

My First Obstacle to Overcome

How to Fashion my Goals

I have a lot of visions but no real plan formulated. I don't do well with going with the flow. I don't know where to begin, how to proceed, and when I've actually made progress because I'm in the dark. Unfortunately, my natural instincts are absent the majority of the time. It sucks, but it is what it is. I have to move on. I refuse to allow my shortcomings to sabotage my goals. So rather than trying to unsuccessfully or experimentally harness elements that don't exist in me, in hopes to develop them (a worthy experiment to conduct independently), I've decided to utilize what I already possess. I'm organized. I almost immediately benefit from gaining knowledge. I'm more specific-oriented and manage best when I have a reference. I generally am highly advanced, and yet I lack the basics. Although this problem doesn't regularly become an issue, I do have a disadvantage. Since I'm starting from scratch in a way when it comes to fashion, I wanted to start from the beginning. It's important for me to build a strong structure. Other than that, I really didn't know where to go. I imagined at some point that I'll use ads from magazines for inspiration, but that's free-forming, not what I had in mind. Not that I was really sure what steps to take.

Then, by what seemed like coincidence (I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't, but then I'd probably be over-estimating my importance in this universe), I received a 40% off discount from Borders. I get a lot of 20% off coupons, but those don't interest me as much because the prices at amazon.com are still usually cheaper. Although my friend gave me a $40 gift card for Borders. I keep hesitating on using it because many products are still cheaper at amazon, so I want my purchases are BORDERS to be cheaper than amazon. Well, this 40% coupon offered just that. I diligently compared prices with a variety of books and ultimately selected The Lucky Shopping Manual: Building and Improving Your Wardrobe Piece by Piece.

There were so many fashion books to choose from, but I ultimately decided to go for this book. I did expect some unplanned challenge waiting to thwart my aspirations. Life wouldn't be life without something standing in the way, right? I was determined, this time, to not allow it to interfere. But I already feel discouraged. My boyfriend and I of almost six years have broken up. In this short duration, I've become a lot more financiall restricted. I'm not so desperate to pursue my fashion aspirations that I'm willing to be financially-irresponsible, but I'm also uninterested in excusing myself from this project because some challenges are standing in my way. After all, that's life. I'm simply turning this entry into a progress report and a reminder to encourage myself.

Your Signature Style

We all have something that makes us unique whether you believe it or see it. Sometimes we just have to discover what it is or invent it. Fashion, itself, is a canvas to display our uniqueness. Feeling unique is a desire for all of us. If we lack individuality, there's nothing that makes us special, nothing that gives us independent value. Fashion can offer us that, to a certain extent. With all the tactical and manipulative advertising, we often forget how original fashion can be. Fashion was such a huge part of my life when I was still new to it, when I was making decisions that I had no idea I'd regret later in life. As I became more involved, more exposed, and more experimental, I still didn't get it. Working in the retail industry, department store after department store, boutiques, and even being in a fashion documentary, I still had no idea what fashion was. I looked to the racks for something to call my own. I was interested in fashion because other people looked so good in various outfits. I took an extroverted approach to fashion. I've recently realized that that perspective is flawed. I can't look to others and outside sources to find my fashion sense. I have to search within. If your fashion sense is underdeveloped, then it makes sense to seek inspiration, but your fashion style shouldn't be defined and dictated by other sources.

A great way to develop your inner fashion sense is to develop your signature style. Rather than trying to overcome a collective amount of wardrobe mishaps desperate for a makeover, start with something small, one object that has meaning, that gives you inspiration. It can be a stylish accessory that's suitable to your nature such as a classic black purse. It's practical and goes with everything. Or it can be a custom made ring. Alternatively, your signature style can be a color, style, or a line of accessories, instead of an accessory. You can always update and refine it over time, but I think having a signature style can offer a sense of fashion independence, something that separates us from the commercialized corporation that has become fashion.

Here are some ways to get started:

Assess your overall current style. By narrowing down whether you're traditional, modern, casual, earthy, etc., you can select your signature style based on those guidelines.

Determine what you're trying to accomplish with your signature style: be more memorable, make a statement to yourself or to others, create a personal connection, etc.

Select something to change, alter, or add. Creating a signature style is intended to personalize your fashion style. I like to see it as a reminder that my fashion sense should reflect who I am and should be loyal to me. So be realistic with what to change. Don't tackle something daring that you've always been afraid of trying. Ease yourself into it. You want to feel comfortable, not self-conscious about your decision. A signature style is the stepping stone, something small unlike making over your entire wardrobe. It can be about incorporating a new color scheme, refining your hairstyle, or adding accessories to your wardrobe.

Accessorizing is an affordable, easy, and inexpensive way to personalizing your look. Try a new shade of sunglasses, a unique handbag, or a new shade of lipstick.

Experiment with different things to discover what works for you, not just with your signature style but with your overall fashion style.

Pick a style that's realistic and works with your wardrobe, not against it. If having only one signature style (object) is infeasible for your ever changing and eclectic wardrobe, expand your style. On the other hand, if having a collection of objects are overwhelming, stick with one signature piece.

Your signature style is meant to reflect your current fashion style, so update it as your fashion style changes. You don't want your style to become stale. However, if your signature style is timeless, perhaps you can add to it over time.

If you're self-conscious about your body or something else, consider utilizing your signature style to camouflage or conceal flaws or enhance your best features. Many times a small imperfection, real or imagined, discourages us from embracing your fashion potential. Rather than allowing something insignificant interfere with feeling good about ourselves, channel those insecurities and transform them into something better, replacing your inadequacies with confidence.

The last suggestion and most meaningful to me is to not hesitate to imitate a look and make it your own, just as long as you're doing it for the right reasons.

Prioritize Fashion

As we get older, fashion becomes a smaller priority in our lives. We allow our jobs, rent, relationships, financial concerns, and a myriad of other things dominate our lives. It's understandable. But, as a result, regardless of the legitimacies behind the reasons, we deny ourselves. At the end of the day, we're the only ones that can prioritize fashion back into our lives. It'll be hard, but life is hard. That shouldn't stop us from feeling good about ourselves. I'm not suggesting that we retreat back into the frivolous and materialistic world that consumed us in high school where our entire lives revolved around lipgloss, the perfect shade of lipstick, the perfect tan, and a kick ass wardrobe. But a little attention is good for us.

Beauty matters. That may sound like a desperate marketing gimmick, tempting people to indulge in their vanity for profitable gain. I can't in good conscious legitimately deny that, but there's more to this message than what's on the surface. Physical appearance is important to many of us. It makes us feel good about ourselves because a little attention enhances or improves our appearance. Additionally, making ourselves a priority is good for us emotionally. And I truly believe that it can make a difference in our outlooks. We develop and maintain regular habits that we exercise daily. Committing to something and having loyalty for things that make us feel good about ourselves are undeniably good for us but actually exercising commitment is also good. It gives us a sense of control in a world of unpredictable mayhem. People who feel that they have more control are more stable. By making time for yourself, you're saying, "I'm worth the attention." That perspective is going to transfer over in other aspects of your life. We see things in relative terms. If you won't take even fifteen minutes to pull yourself together, you're likely to deny yourself even greater things you deserve. Show yourself you're worth it in small increments, so you don't feel guilty about indulging. Ultimately, as frivolous as it is, when you peel away at our vain layer, we like feeling attractive. I'm not suggesting that you let it consume you. I'm suggesting that you do a little bit to make yourself feel better.

New Year's Resolution

One of my New Year's Resolution is to make my appearance a greater priority. That makes me sound bad. It's not as bad as it sounds, though. I'm sanitary. I look presentable. Some people even find me attractive. Most of the time, my eyebrows are shaped. Maybe a week out of a season, I neglect them. Sometimes, my lips are dry because I have to keep them moisturized twice an hour. If I don't do that, in two hours, my lips become, well, not so great. My skin isn't problematic free, but it's clean and within reason. For the most part, I don't break out. I have a clear complexion with slightly red skin on the corners of my cheeks, but my hair covers that area. My skin isn't dry, dull, or overly greased. But I do have some small visible pores and blackheads that I'd like to get rid of. My wardrobe is well-coordinated but also unoriginal and uncreative. I want my fashion style and appearance to reflect my uniqueness and personality. I don't want to change who I am. I just want to refine it.

I think looking my best is within my capabilities. My skin's flaws can easily be corrected with the right, light foundation that'll cover my slight redness on the corners of my face. My eyelashes are short but appear long to some people because they're straight. Because I haven't applied mascara on properly, and my natural look is so appropriate, mascara has never really made an impact. But I imagine with the right eyelash curler, proper lashing technique, and subtle mascara, my eyes can look more sophisticated. My lips are small, but they work. Slathering on a light shade of pink gloss gives me a naturally pulled together look, but I also look really good in mauve matte lipstick shades. My skin is a little pale, so I find bronzer to be really flattering for me. I have great cheekbones. I never blowdry my hair, so it's naturally soft and straight. If I used a straightening iron, it'll make my hair look even better. My hair is layered, but after a few months, it loses its shape. But straightening my hair gives that glamorous look and it really sculpts my face. Unfortunately, although what I've mentioned doesn't take too much time, it's unlikely that I'll incorporate this routine. I think it's more important to be realistic about my plans, so I follow them.

In the morning, I'll add a light moisturizer, sunscreen, sweep on some bronzer, apply a layer of pink gloss or mauve lipstick. Here's my problem: My lips are so dry that, at the moment, I can't wear anything but gloss because lipsticks outline the dryness of my lips. Even when my lips are smooth, it's like the pressure of the lipstick or lip brush aggravates the surface area and it bleeds into all the wrong places. I'm not sure what I should do about that. I make an effort to use products with superior ingredients. Dampening my hair with a little water and a round bristle brush gives me a soft, layered look that emulates the professional results of a straightening iron. I also want to work towards weekly treatments: face mask, hair mask, and lip mask.

Here are my New Year's Resolutions refined:

1. Find my sense of style, something that reflects my uniqueness. I think I need a signature look. (I already have a perfume signature, Gucci. My boyfriend says it suits my personality). Basically glam up my outfits to make it special.

2. Get at least a week's worth of versatile and usable outfits that focus on flattering my petite figure, small bust size, and flat ass. I want to incorporate my old pants standards of owning 1 pair of khakis, 1 pair of blue denim jeans, 1 pair of dark blue denim jeans, and 1 pair of black slacks. I want the khaki pants to be light in color. I want jeans that are part stretchy and flare out for an enhancing effect. Red looks hot on me, so I want to find more red tops. Many of my current tops are three quarter sleeves, and I should've followed my first instincts, which was that I hated them. I want to find tops with materials that cling to my skin in all of the favorable areas. My other challenge is that I have an unusually long mid-drift for someone my height, so a generous portion of my skin is exposed in a disproportionate sort of way. I'm tired of settling for tops like that. Time for a change, bitch! I'm thinking u-shapes, V-shapes, and cinches for starters. Purple is my favorite color, but you would never figure it on based on my wardrobe. My wardrobe should reflect my interests and personality, so more purples. Eggplant purples look a little too intense and dull on me at the same time because the color is strong, but my pale skin really doesn't do it justice. I look much better in a rich violet shade. I'm usually discouraged because purples are a rare color or is incorporated unattractively.

3. Accessorize. Last year I began buying jewelry, not the high end stuff but still beautiful, nonetheless. I'm in desperate need of accessorizing. The closest to accessorizing I get other than a purse, which is required, is my hair tie, which I usually forget at home. I disconnect accessorizing when I put an outfit together. I see it as an ignorable sacrifice, not a subtle but fundamental element.

4. Stop making compromises. I'm usually non-negotiable, but I surrender to fashion's limits. That doesn't reflect who I am at all. I never prioritize time to make an effort and find clothes that'll really reflect who I am. If I'm to expect any progress and reinvention of myself, I need to change my mindset. Again, my fashion sense should reflect who I am: dynamic, multi-dimensional, diverse, uncompromising, strong, expressive, unique, organized, consistent but also unpredictable.

5. When evaluating possible clothes purchase, really consider how it looks on me, not how I want it to look. Be realistic. And follow my first instincts. Over time my repulsion for certain style fades until I border neutral zone. That's also usually not who I am. I'm opinionated.

6. Find a store that sells clothes for my unique figure. I've always found petite clothing stores to be the most unstylish source. They're replicates of the larger sizes for twice the money, and they conceal your figure. In the fashion industry, there aren't too many sizes of small. So smalls are often too tight on me, while I find myself swimming in larger sizes. It's not fair that my size isn't available, but I, of all people, am well aware that life isn't fair. And if I expect any progress or results, I have to find my source.

8. Prioritize my Appearance

I know this statement can be interpreted as really superficial or neglectful on my part. I'm hygienic. Some people think I'm fine as hell. Their words, not mine. I have this tendency of attracting obnoxious guys who ban together and openly express their opinions of me. On the other hand, there are guys who are completely repulsed by me. Those are such extremes. I think I'm attractive...sometimes. But I can always do more. I can afford to improve the complexion of my skin, whiten my teeth, clear my clogged pores, and wear a pink gloss to enhance my natural beauty. A superior haircut sculpts my face shape and improves the overall quality of my appearance. A simple maintenance haircut effortlessly pulls my look together. It's affordable, but I don't commit to it. I plan to change that this year. My goal is to get a haircut at least every two months. It isn't just a luxury. My hair grows quickly, my split ends make brushing my hair difficult, and static and dryness become a daily interference. My goal is to cut my hair before it needs to be done because by then, I'm way overdue. I don't want to be consumed with my appearance, but I know there's more I can do to feel better about myself. My appearance is a part of me. My specific plans are:

1. Get a haircut at least every two months.

I usually wait until there are visible signs that I need a haircut when I'm aware that I should get one a month beforehand. My philosophy was I don't need a haircut, and I need other things, so I'll wait until I have to spend the money. I wait until my hair length creates a visual trick of unhealthy appearance of elongating my face and such severe split ends that my hairbrush gets stuck in my hair. My new and reformed perspective is to get haircuts to maintain a healthy, attractive cut and style.

2. Whiten my teeth with an over-the-counter treatment.

My teeth look a little discolored, and I'm really put off by it. I think whitening my teeth will really brighten up my face. I'm not talking professional treatment. I'm simply planning to buy an over-the-counter remedy.

3. Swipe bronzer on my face and apply pink lip gloss. It's unrealistic for me to commit to a weekly facial, so I'll aim for once a month, using a papaya enzyme mask.